Opinion
Dr.Emmy Irobi
Mediating Divorce: A way to Family Peace And Better Relationships
The family is a major resource institution for a stable democracy and society. And the values that molds democratic leaders and makes life interesting are taught in the family . Hence the need for a strong and stable family in Poland that is capable of teaching our kids the christian and Catholic values the founding fathers of our great country left behind for us. When the ministry of Justice plans a new divorce and family law, skeptics should not be quick to criticise it, but should see it as an important step in the right direction.
The high rates of divorce, family decadence and conflicts should convince critics that some thing should be done to restore confidence and peace in the family before they disintegrate.
In response to the article recently published in this newspaper dated 16/6/06, titled “koniec z szybkimi rozwodami”, I agree that giving mediation a chance as a means to dispute resolution in the family is good, and critics should not use baseless arguement to try to stall it.
In an interview, Alvin Toffler stated, “The place we need really imaginative new ideas is in conflict theory...... the real weakness throughout the country is the lack of conflict resolution methods other than litigation”. The minister of Justice, himself a lawyer has seen the crisis of commercialisation of the legal practice fostered by competition and advertising, the growth of legal fees and a class of cases which are not supposed to be tried in courts, and the myth of finding truth and justice only in court rooms, a myth perpetuated by celebrated trials, even on TV, and decided to give married couples chances to find common ground to settle disputes by mediation.
It seems that some of the critics of mediation does not know the advantages of mediating divorse cases outside the courts. Research in the US and other European countries reveals that 50-80 per cent of all divorce cases referred to mediation ended in agreement. According to this research when you compare couples who have mediated their divorce with couples who go through the traditional courts, mediating couples are :
more likely to be satisfied with the process and the results
more likely to spend less time and money
less likely to go back to court to resolve any issues.
Mediation allows partners to get through the process with less conflicts than you will experience in courts. Because mediation is all about working with shared knowledge, determining what is best for your children. You can try out various parenting plans and see if they work out. Partners have free choice to modify plans as kids gets older without returning to courts.
The ministry of Justices new reform does not aim at denying citizens their legal rights, or taking away clients from lawyers, instead its aimed at ensuring stable family and reducing the attractiveness of divorce in our society. By this reform government is showing interest in the family which raises up kids that will be future and responsible leaders of this country.
If we want to have a healthy democracy our family values based on love for one another, tolerance, respect, fear of God, and hospitality, must be encouraged and promoted. This can only be achieved when married couples start to think less about litigations to resolve family disputes, and chose mediation as a means to restoration of relationships. Always with the help of a neutral mediator partners could design an acceptable and satisfactory agreement that will resolve issues of child custody and property which are always involved in most divorce cases.
I agree that mediation is new in Poland and we dont have many certified mediators in poland. This has led many to question its effectiveness in resolving family disputes. This is natural, and demands patience to see how it works out in future. According to Stewart Levine an American Lawyer and mediator, “major life changes are never easy, but doing legal battle over issues that are essentially emotional (like divorce) is like playing baseball on an ice hockey rink” for the balance of life. In this event couples will never be in good relationship, their children remain emotionally and psychologically injured, and the conflict only will worsen creating much pain, suffering and mis trust in the family. In our country we need more education and information for the public on the advantages of mediation as an alternative means of conflict resolution, not only at home but in schools, and work places. The bulk therefore falls on the shoulders of the polish Centrum for mediation (PCM) in Warsaw to assist the government or ministry of Justice to popularise the forthcoming reform plan to make it a success.
As faithful Catholics and believers, we should take to heart the words of our beloved late Pope about family values and relationships. He has always emphasised the need for a healthy family free of conflicts. Hence the need to support the new reform to mediate first before wasting time and money in court redress.
Dr. Emmy Irobi
Certified Mediator Consultant
Member Polish Centrum of mediators
Warsaw
